Well, here we are.  I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve been forced by a bunch of people I don’t know back into an abusive relationship.  There’s no place else to go, and I’m left to live with it.  The question now is, how?  How do we live and thrive and resist and maintain our sanity in a country that just spit us out like a bitter pill it couldn’t swallow?

We all have our individual coping mechanisms, but in times like these it can be helpful to borrow ideas from those around us, and so I’ve decided to offer up my roadmap for both consideration and scrutiny, even as I keep an open mind to new ideas along the way. 

First, let me just say that resisting is on the menu and that will always be true because I care about people, and progress, and have lived long enough to understand that is not a baton you pick up only when your country decides to elect the shittiest leadership possible.  But right now, I’m feeling depleted (and I can tell that is true for a lot of my friends) and so things that are going to reenergize me and protect me are getting prioritized.

Joy, hope and silliness.  I have written before on my self-righteous gene, and boy, does it like to try and take the wheel.  But I don’t think the world needs more self-righteous martyrs right now.   I think what we need more than ever is joy in community.  We need more pursuit of happiness; gathering to play games, share meals, or engaging in fun for the fun of it.  Right now, sharing music, laughing together and relaxing without the burden of debate are core to what will recharge me.  I’m embracing it.  It may seem goofy, but I ordered this calendar to provide daily reminders of things I can think about that are not depressing.  It’s International Sweatpants Day!  I’m all in.

I will make my mental health a priority.  For me, mental health is a byproduct of caring for myself physically with exercise, a carefully planned diet, and quality sleep.  It includes art and music and tickets to the theatre.  My specifics might not match yours, but I know what works for me and I’m going to stick to it.

Community.  I am fortunate to belong to a wonderful synagogue.  It’s a place to pray and observe the beautiful rituals that mark the passing of seasons while also offering many ways to engage in thoughtful conversations about ethics and social issues.  Right now, that is pure soul food.  More broadly, we have book groups, women’s groups, Majong groups, and frequently partner with local charity organizations to help in our community at large.  Our congregation is not insular but rather reaches out to other faith traditions to cultivate a deeper understanding of what others are going through and focused on.  In this time, I’m very aware of the need to say yes to the opportunities offered here, and now more than ever I appreciate being part of a community that focuses on hope as we stay committed to repairing the world.  

No more doom scrolling or engaging with outrage porn.  The business model of social media platforms is based on engagement, and the easiest way to spark your brain to engage is to tap into the ugly.  What I mean by that is the algorithms programmed into most platforms are based on finding ways to hook your insecurities and your outrage because companies know that our human brains have trouble saying no to those things.  So, when we log on looking for community, what we’re finding instead is a constant challenge for our critical thinking skills.  For a fascinating discussion of how this works, I recommend listening to Hillary Clinton’s podcast, “You and me Both” the from February 23, 2021, where Tristan Harris breaks down how the algorithms are set to hook the ugliest part of our brains, because that’s what’s most likely to create engagement.  It’s quite an illuminating conversation and helps explain one big reason why social media is bad for our brains.  Link here.

For me, Facebook was the most toxic, even though I’d already pared my “friend” group down to about 100 people and used every privacy feature available.  I’ve deactivated my account.    

Instagram can stay for now, because my feed there is still mostly filled with friends, artists and public figures I admire.  The ads are getting more and more intrusive though, so that might end up going as well.

BlueSky has proved to be much more useful and much less intrusive than Twitter or Threads (both discarded) and I find it easier to block unwanted contact, so I’ll be checking in there to see how many of my friends who have set up new accounts actually end up using them.  They’re also planning to launch a service that’s more similar to Instagram, and I will happily migrate if they do.  If you’re thinking of giving BlueSky a try, here’s a handy graphic on how the platform is different.

I really wish more people would go back to blogging!  If you have a blog, please let me know and I will follow! 

Maintain subscriptions to legitimate news sources.   I am still disgusted by the crappy editorializing that is taking place at the New York Times and The Washington Post, but they’re still relevant and so long as you’re able to maintain a critical eye, a good source of information.  I wish there were better options available, and I don’t require news outlets to only report things I agree with, but the disinformation issue is so pervasive that I feel like we’re left to pick the lesser evils at this point.  I also subscribe to several monthly periodicals, and of course female owned Dame Magazine.  None of those options cost more than $5/month and it’s a small price to pay to be informed and have access to articles that are likely to come up in conversation. 

Continue working to elect Democrats.  At the beginning of last year, I made a list of all the things I would do to help elect Democrats at the local, state and national level.  I did everything on that list and more, so when the outcome was not what I wanted, I felt no regret for not contributing more.   My basic list of non-negotiables for every year are:

Vote in every single election, even for the boring stuff. 

Support local candidates.  Our local Democratic Town Committee fully funds the election efforts for all local candidates, so I consistently donate to them. 

In Connecticut, each state candidate must get a minimum of 150 $5 donations from voters in our district, plus a dollar amount of total contributions from anyone, in order to qualify for their election financing grant.  All candidates regardless of party affiliation do this.  I am committed to getting at least 5 donations for any person willing to run as a Democrat.  I don’t care who the candidates are at this point in the process because this is not a litmus test on qualifications, this is a way to support people who are willing to run.  If two Democrats want to primary, I’m getting donations for both of them.  I will literally hound every local person I know to give me $5 and sign the form.  The grant program keeps corporate money out of politics for state offices, and I think that’s worth the effort.

Nationally – I set a budget for political contributions and stick to it.  My Democratic Congressional Representative and Senator get automatic donations when they announce their campaigns.  Any Democratic Presidential candidate also gets a donation.  Early donations can make or break campaigns, especially at the national level.  I also donate to campaigns in states where my money might make a difference in terms of tipping the scale overall.  Senator Chris Murphy does a great job of splitting his campaign contributions with candidates who fall into that category. 

Keep the supply of corkboard, markers, paper, envelopes and stamps all on hand.  I get that not everyone is comfortable showing up to protest, but I am.  Sometimes it’s the best way to build political capital and I am comfortable doing it in ways that I feel safe, even while understanding that I might be subjected to taunts or even being spit at (both have happened many times.)  I don’t put myself into situations where I’m going to be arrested but understand why some do.  What I do think is important to know if you want to join in with protests, is to prepare a quick quote to deliver to reporters who are likely to show up.  They need a sound bite, so give them one and make it count!  Also, find the organizers early on so you can direct reporters their way.  Dress in layers.  Wear sunscreen, bring a hat and a water bottle.  I recommend corkboard (lightweight) for signs in a size you feel comfortable carrying, personalized with a simple message in easy-to-read letters.

I also find it helpful to write letters in support of measures I wish to see passed (or not) because that can help influence elected officials even while it helps me organize my thoughts around those issues, which in turn helps me feel more confident discussing them.  I also find writing letters thanking candidates helps me stay connected to my own humanity in an area where it’s easy to dehumanize people.  Whether they win or not, running is a huge personal sacrifice. 

Working towards a more just society is the work of a lifetime.  For me, it is not optional, even if it is sometimes discouraging.  In times like this, I remind myself of a famous saying from Pirkei Avot (Ethics of our Fathers), Chapter 2:16; “…(Rabbi Tarfon) used to say…

It is not up to you to finish the task, but you are not free to avoid it.”